We’re all glad to be helpful to you, anonymous friend! That’s what we’re here for <3
Im 16 and demisexual (cuddles and sometimes kisses is as far as i go sexually ). My first relationship was in the 8th grade and I ended it after 2 1/2 months, it was uncomfortable and i wanted out so i did. I was so relieved and free afterwards. Unfortunately I didnt understand demisexual at the time and broke up without giving a reason. My second relationship went along fine for 6 months until i wanted out again but i kinda still liked him so i lied to myself and suffered through the relationship for another 2 months. so then dumped him flat, again without reason. That was a year and half ago. My friends teased me about being bad at ending relationships and i agreed with them thinking i was a horrible person.
Ok so here’s where my problem comes in. Up until recently I thought i was attracted to only guys, but then recently i realized i was attracted to a good female friend of mine, whose homosexual. I see I that i have chance of starting a relationship with her but she thinks im straight and i havent come out yet. So does that make me bi? Im so lost and confused and kinda freaking out inside.
Well, sexuality can be fluid, meaning it’s possible that your sexuality has changed over time (though it doesn’t necessarily happen often or to everyone out there). Sometimes when you further explore it, you find out you might not be what you originally identified as, such as in your case. However, if you feel that the term demisexual still best describes you, that doesn’t mean that you’re severed from being bi either. Whether you feel more like you’re bisexual (sexually attracted to both genders) or biromantic (romantically attracted to both genders) is ultimately up to you to decide. To make a long story short, it’s very possible to be both demisexual AND bisexual, and it’s nothing to worry or freak out about, because it’s perfectly normal. So don’t let that get in the way of moving forward in life!
If you’re looking for the terms under the asexual spectrum, it goes as follows:
They are separate from feeling romantic attraction and libido (desire to have sex), as they are how you feel engaging in sexual acts with another person. If you have any other questions, feel free to be more specific, and we’ll try to answer as best we can!
Demisexuality is how you work as far as sexual attraction goes, a.k.a. you only feel sexually attracted to a person after you’ve established an emotional or romantic connection with them. Demiromanticism, however, is how you lean with your romantic attraction - you can’t feel romantic attraction to a person until you’re emotionally close to them. It might seem a bit prudish to have a term for that, some people argue that you can’t be romantically attracted to someone until you’re emotionally connected to them, but there have been plenty of people who develop a romantic attraction for someone without being emotionally close (crushing on someone you don’t know very well personally is a pretty good example). Demiromantic is typically used with the asexual spectrum since your sexuality usually lines up with your romantic attraction (like a heterosexual is romantically inclined to the opposite sex, a homosexual to the same sex, and so on), but it is possible and totally fine to be used outside of that sexuality as well.
Have you ever heard of gray-asexuality? That could be why you find total strangers attractive despite not having that emotional connection with them that’s necessary for demisexuals (And yes, it is possible to be both)
It doesn’t make you a tease just because you don’t want it until you have that connection. If you want, you can ask what you’re still confused about, or look on websites like AVEN and even just simple google searching. It’s a little difficult to get used to the label but don’t let those things make you feel like you’re wrong for using that particular label.
Sure it is! It’s not always necessarily the case with other demisexuals, but the fact that you can’t feel sexual attraction except with your partner (I’m assuming) might make it more difficult to get aroused unless you’re physically with them too. Nothing out of the ordinary!
Sexuality doesn’t have to fit in a certain category. Your sexuality may share some attributes with demisexuality, but that doesn’t mean you have to be demisexual. Your sexual identity is your own and if you can’t find a specific name for it, that totally ok.
It sounds like you could possibly be biromantic. Basically that just means you connect emotionally with both girls and guys on a romantic level, but you may only be sexually inclined towards men.
I think that’s actually pretty common with demisexuals. The thing about fictional characters is that we read into them and connect with them in our own way. And we form a strong bond with our idea of them, which is what attracts us sexually. So even though this character isn’t real, they’ve registered with something inside us that we can bond with emotionally, thus allowing us to view them in a sexual or romantic way.